:(

Allahu.. all I could think about at this moment is how sinful I am..

I cried and cried, I poured my heart out, I am down, I am broken

I don't know to whom should I talk about this

all I need right now is just a big, warm, hug from someone.. anyone. I am too drowned in what dunya has got to offer, all of the temptations.. all of the fake happiness.. all of the temporary satisfaction my heart has swelled with. Too far from what I should have seek. All of those pleasures gave me nothing but lies and broken promises. I know I should not dwell on the past, but my past keeps on haunting me..

Who I used to be.. how terrible I was.

My God, I am not worthy to enter your paradise, but I cannot bear the tortments of your Hell,therefore grant me pardon, & forgive my sins, for Thou art The Forgiver of great sins.

0249 thoughts; you

remember our first time seeing each other? yeah you were acting cool and you had that look in your face that says "im the coolest guy on the planet" yeah I must admit, at first I thought u were pretty cocky and idk full of yourself?  but then after I get to know you that nice I thought to myself "hey you're pretty nice, and you're kinda cute" haha

and then before you dropped me off, I remember "ramelia" was playing on the radio, idk I couldn't actually remember what exactly happened that night because I was pretty fucked up and I am not aware of my surrounding, but thank you for taking care of me

and then a few days after that you texted me saying that you couldn't put yourself to sleep because you kept on thinking about me, and I thought to myself "haha u cant be real" but I didn't tell it directly to know cz I thought that it'll hurt your feelings

few days after that we had supper together and we met each other a lot! i've lost count but I did remember our first 'proper' date at ikea! we had like 15 meatballs, 3 chicken wings, cheesecake, cinnamon bun and croissant. yeah and apple juice! do you still remember we had to wait for like 20 minutes before we actually got our seats? haha it was a good day

and I must admit, you are good 

you made me fall in love with you 

if you ask me why did I fall in love with you, trust me, I dont know! you might actually think that it's such a cliche answer but no it is not. but if I really have to give the reason why, it would be because........ when I look at you I feel happy! so extremely, madly, truthfully, extraordinarily happy. like a very genuine happiness. urgh i dont know how to express myself la, imran. you know seeing you smile, seeing that cute laugh, hugging you, being around you urgh it makes me so happy! i just want you to know that being with you brings out the best in me.

one day, if we are ever destined to be the right person for each other, i'd be so fucking glad. I swear to god i will be the best wife, the coolest friend, the worst enemy and the most wonderful mother to our children. despite the hardship that we may face in the future, we'll get through it together. i dont mind taking care of you when youre sick, i'll make breakfast for you every morning, I'll stay up and watch football with u at 3am, I'll listen to your rambles and rants, I'll learn a new recipe for you, I'll stay awake with you during your sleepless nights, idk anything, just, anything.

yeah it's too early i know, i'm scared too. too scared. but hey lets work this out. whats the point of being in a relationship if we dont work things out kan?

im sorry for pouring out my problems, sorry for making you listen and sorry for being moody. yknow sometimes I may be in a bad shape, annoying or a level 5 clinger, but please, bear with me.

entah la imran, i tak tau i nak tunjuk macam mana dah

tapi. i sayangkan you.

seikhlas mungkin.

p/s - again, nothing happened that night. i swear to god. it was all a misunderstanding. i'll be more careful, i love you. :)

2015

First and foremost, hello 2015.

2014 was a memorable year.

I haven't change much since then (I guess)

To be frank, 2014 is one of the best year in my life

I've met many new people!

I've lost a few friends too (but I still care about them)

I was heartbroken a few times

Nevertheless, I am happy with the fact that I survived 2014 

2014 was indeed a fun journey, and it marks the end of my teenage life!

Can you believe that? One minute it's your first day of high school & booom now you're 20

20, wow welcome to adulthood 

& I can say that I am not mentally prepared to face any difficult challenges of being an adult just yet!

(like paying your own bills, settling down, financial issues blah blah blah)

but hey here's the good part of being an adult: people will take you more seriously!

anyway

I can say that I'm happy of my current life, although I may have to deal with issues most of the time, but still, I wouldn't trade the world for it.

I am thankful to be blessed with the presence of my friends, what would I do without them?

Thank you Balqis, you were there since day 1, you're a tough chick, you're the backbone of your family and I will always be there for you okay 

Thank you Diyana, honestly I couldn't survive a week without talking to you! thank you for listening to my rants almost everyday, you're the best

Ali and Naqiah, tho we may not always talk to each other, just knw that both of you owns a special place in my heart &&&& I love you guys so much!

and then there's Amar, who I rarely see and talk to, but he's that kind of best friend who you could go weeks without talking to and still be best buds. hihi love you

And guess what, degree life has change me to someone better

and I can't believe that I made lots of new friends here

To Shanaa, god where do I start? haha honestly being close to you was beyond my expectation because we don't talk much at all although we were classmates back in asasi (ikr) (you were saaah annoying) (you still are) but hey, things have changed and now I'm glad that we are! bear with me tau hihi muah ciked 

To Athirah, you are so so so so so so nice to me and I feel bad because I used a lot of your stuff :( haha and honestly I am lucky to be one of yr kawan tercayang(ke I yang syok sendiri ni beb) and all I could offer is my sincere friendship hehehehe

To Athirah Diyana (gawd banyaknya athirah) I am happy that we met during Dapur Srikandi and thnk you for starting the conversation! keep it with the positive vibes & thnk you for being my friend hihi

To Nashwa, wey hang tau dak hang la manusia paling loqlaq pernah aku jumpa tapi aku nak hang tau yang aku sayang gila kat ang sebab dengan hang ja aku takyah jet jet cakap kl macam orang lain jadi roommate aku smpai bila bila tau, boleh kita bising sampai kakak sebelah marah hihi

To my friends in Universiti Malaya 

Afiq, paan, syapiq, lysa, pija, sha, shyra, shira, scha, brader jai, danny, aqil, my tesl classmates,  and semua yang dalam penggerak mahasiswa & srikandi malaya, u guys are the best! my life in UM would suck tau without all of you :)

and all of my friends, no matter where you are, especially to those who are close to me, here's to another year of friendship xx may it last.

Dah I malas nak cakap pepanjang bye

trust

Trusting someone is like rolling a dice; you're putting a high hope in every chance that you get. Sometimes it may seems like luck is not by yourself.

But can you really blame luck?

Because when you roll the dice, you're putting yourself in a risk. You're gambling with your own fate and destiny. 

Be careful when you start trusting someone, because you never knew what's going to happen. You can't predict what's going to happen the next day, or the next 5 years.
Trusting someone means that you have trusted yourself enough to gamble yourself.

You may take the risk if you want to.


Also.


If someone trust you, do your best to keep that trust. It's not easy to have someone's trust so try not to let stupid mistakes take the trust away from you.

You'll do your best if you care enough. :-)