Allahu.. all I could think about at this moment is how sinful I am..
I cried and cried, I poured my heart out, I am down, I am broken
I don't know to whom should I talk about this
all I need right now is just a big, warm, hug from someone.. anyone. I am too drowned in what dunya has got to offer, all of the temptations.. all of the fake happiness.. all of the temporary satisfaction my heart has swelled with. Too far from what I should have seek. All of those pleasures gave me nothing but lies and broken promises. I know I should not dwell on the past, but my past keeps on haunting me..
Who I used to be.. how terrible I was.
My God, I am not worthy to enter your paradise, but I cannot bear the tortments of your Hell,therefore grant me pardon, & forgive my sins, for Thou art The Forgiver of great sins.
0249 thoughts; you
and then before you dropped me off, I remember "ramelia" was playing on the radio, idk I couldn't actually remember what exactly happened that night because I was pretty fucked up and I am not aware of my surrounding, but thank you for taking care of me
and then a few days after that you texted me saying that you couldn't put yourself to sleep because you kept on thinking about me, and I thought to myself "haha u cant be real" but I didn't tell it directly to know cz I thought that it'll hurt your feelings
few days after that we had supper together and we met each other a lot! i've lost count but I did remember our first 'proper' date at ikea! we had like 15 meatballs, 3 chicken wings, cheesecake, cinnamon bun and croissant. yeah and apple juice! do you still remember we had to wait for like 20 minutes before we actually got our seats? haha it was a good day
and I must admit, you are good
you made me fall in love with you
if you ask me why did I fall in love with you, trust me, I dont know! you might actually think that it's such a cliche answer but no it is not. but if I really have to give the reason why, it would be because........ when I look at you I feel happy! so extremely, madly, truthfully, extraordinarily happy. like a very genuine happiness. urgh i dont know how to express myself la, imran. you know seeing you smile, seeing that cute laugh, hugging you, being around you urgh it makes me so happy! i just want you to know that being with you brings out the best in me.
one day, if we are ever destined to be the right person for each other, i'd be so fucking glad. I swear to god i will be the best wife, the coolest friend, the worst enemy and the most wonderful mother to our children. despite the hardship that we may face in the future, we'll get through it together. i dont mind taking care of you when youre sick, i'll make breakfast for you every morning, I'll stay up and watch football with u at 3am, I'll listen to your rambles and rants, I'll learn a new recipe for you, I'll stay awake with you during your sleepless nights, idk anything, just, anything.
yeah it's too early i know, i'm scared too. too scared. but hey lets work this out. whats the point of being in a relationship if we dont work things out kan?
im sorry for pouring out my problems, sorry for making you listen and sorry for being moody. yknow sometimes I may be in a bad shape, annoying or a level 5 clinger, but please, bear with me.
entah la imran, i tak tau i nak tunjuk macam mana dah
tapi. i sayangkan you.
seikhlas mungkin.
p/s - again, nothing happened that night. i swear to god. it was all a misunderstanding. i'll be more careful, i love you. :)
p/s - again, nothing happened that night. i swear to god. it was all a misunderstanding. i'll be more careful, i love you. :)
2015
First and foremost, hello 2015.
and all of my friends, no matter where you are, especially to those who are close to me, here's to another year of friendship xx may it last.
2014 was a memorable year.
I haven't change much since then (I guess)
To be frank, 2014 is one of the best year in my life
I've met many new people!
I've lost a few friends too (but I still care about them)
I was heartbroken a few times
Nevertheless, I am happy with the fact that I survived 2014
2014 was indeed a fun journey, and it marks the end of my teenage life!
Can you believe that? One minute it's your first day of high school & booom now you're 20
20, wow welcome to adulthood
& I can say that I am not mentally prepared to face any difficult challenges of being an adult just yet!
(like paying your own bills, settling down, financial issues blah blah blah)
but hey here's the good part of being an adult: people will take you more seriously!
anyway
I can say that I'm happy of my current life, although I may have to deal with issues most of the time, but still, I wouldn't trade the world for it.
I am thankful to be blessed with the presence of my friends, what would I do without them?
Thank you Balqis, you were there since day 1, you're a tough chick, you're the backbone of your family and I will always be there for you okay
Thank you Diyana, honestly I couldn't survive a week without talking to you! thank you for listening to my rants almost everyday, you're the best
Ali and Naqiah, tho we may not always talk to each other, just knw that both of you owns a special place in my heart &&&& I love you guys so much!
and then there's Amar, who I rarely see and talk to, but he's that kind of best friend who you could go weeks without talking to and still be best buds. hihi love you
And guess what, degree life has change me to someone better
and I can't believe that I made lots of new friends here
To Shanaa, god where do I start? haha honestly being close to you was beyond my expectation because we don't talk much at all although we were classmates back in asasi (ikr) (you were saaah annoying) (you still are) but hey, things have changed and now I'm glad that we are! bear with me tau hihi muah ciked
To Athirah, you are so so so so so so nice to me and I feel bad because I used a lot of your stuff :( haha and honestly I am lucky to be one of yr kawan tercayang(ke I yang syok sendiri ni beb) and all I could offer is my sincere friendship hehehehe
To Athirah Diyana (gawd banyaknya athirah) I am happy that we met during Dapur Srikandi and thnk you for starting the conversation! keep it with the positive vibes & thnk you for being my friend hihi
To Nashwa, wey hang tau dak hang la manusia paling loqlaq pernah aku jumpa tapi aku nak hang tau yang aku sayang gila kat ang sebab dengan hang ja aku takyah jet jet cakap kl macam orang lain jadi roommate aku smpai bila bila tau, boleh kita bising sampai kakak sebelah marah hihi
To my friends in Universiti Malaya
Afiq, paan, syapiq, lysa, pija, sha, shyra, shira, scha, brader jai, danny, aqil, my tesl classmates, and semua yang dalam penggerak mahasiswa & srikandi malaya, u guys are the best! my life in UM would suck tau without all of you :)
and all of my friends, no matter where you are, especially to those who are close to me, here's to another year of friendship xx may it last.
Dah I malas nak cakap pepanjang bye
trust
Trusting someone is like rolling a dice; you're putting a high hope in every chance that you get. Sometimes it may seems like luck is not by yourself.
But can you really blame luck?
Because when you roll the dice, you're putting yourself in a risk. You're gambling with your own fate and destiny.
Be careful when you start trusting someone, because you never knew what's going to happen. You can't predict what's going to happen the next day, or the next 5 years.
Trusting someone means that you have trusted yourself enough to gamble yourself.
You may take the risk if you want to.
Also.
If someone trust you, do your best to keep that trust. It's not easy to have someone's trust so try not to let stupid mistakes take the trust away from you.
You'll do your best if you care enough. :-)
Trusting someone means that you have trusted yourself enough to gamble yourself.
You may take the risk if you want to.
Also.
If someone trust you, do your best to keep that trust. It's not easy to have someone's trust so try not to let stupid mistakes take the trust away from you.
You'll do your best if you care enough. :-)
from lendu with love
Now that everyone has their own path, I must say.. I miss the old good old times.
Looking back at my foundation years in UiTM Lendu, it's fair for me to say that I miss such a beautiful sight and experience.
I miss my friends most.
I miss all of our fights, laughters and tears.
Somehow, during my foundation year, I have learn to be more appreaciative and thankful to be blessed with wonderful companions. Although I am not able to see them everyday like I used to anymore, it's fine with me. I'm alright. I miss all of them.
Especially;
Diyana Afiqah. How we became ultimate partners is questionable. Why? Because I didn't like her when I first saw her, mainly because she gave this killer-stare whenever I caught a glimpse of her face. And then I thought to myself, "hey, shes something" and I've always think that she is beautiful, though she thinks otherwise. We became close because we spend many times together and even closer when I started sharing problems with her. I never thought I could meet anyone like her. She's something unique. And yes I miss her, teribbly. (And no, this post is not for you. A special one is coming) :)
Naqiah. At first sight, you'd mistaken her for someone native because she doesn't look malay, at all. She looks Jamaican, with her tanned skin and curly short hair with a bit of a purple dye. Gorgeous, just gorgeous. We are not that close when we were in the first semester but somehow we managed to find our own way. She is good with advices, really. I miss her, and that face she makes when she's high. Just kidding. No. Really. That face, Naqiah, you know it.
Illa Ali. First thing first, he used to wear all red to class. Literally. When I first saw him during class, I have always think of him as a nerd who likes anime, I even asked him to draw a cartoon for me in class. Ali is the best brother you could ever ask for. He has the warmest hugs and he always get more hot guys than the rest of us did. Turns out this "nerd" I met in class has become someone.. hot. Yes I said it, Ali. He even knows my boyfriend first before I did!
Nur Syauqina. This girl has the prettiest smile and the silkiest hair, ever. She became my room mate for the rest of the foundation year (try imagine dealing with annoying jiha who's phone alarm is so loud in the morning). I wonder what she is doing right now.. tho I talk to her almost everyday, I still miss her. Qina, if you are reading this, I'm sorry for finishing your snacks and food back in our room...... Hihi.
'Izzah. To be honest, one thing I like about 'Izzah is the fact that she is a loyal lover. She still in love with the same guy when I first met her till today, even though they don't see eye to eye anymore. That's the best quality in her, loyalty. I remember buying her a cake on her birthday and surprised her back in our room and too bad we couldn't do the same thing this year, kan? I'll hope that if we ever meet again, you'll gain extra weight. Hihi
Aliya Natasya. This girl is head over heels in love with her fiancee and they are the proof that long distance relationship actually works. I hope that we talk more often after this because I miss making fun of the way she spoke in Bahasa. (yea her bahasa is not that good) but still, you're the best, Aliya! I hope that I will be there when you're pregnant with turkish babies. Hihi
It kills me when I miss you guys.
But what can I do?
Wait till September, and we'll meet again. :-)
Looking back at my foundation years in UiTM Lendu, it's fair for me to say that I miss such a beautiful sight and experience.
I miss my friends most.
I miss all of our fights, laughters and tears.
Somehow, during my foundation year, I have learn to be more appreaciative and thankful to be blessed with wonderful companions. Although I am not able to see them everyday like I used to anymore, it's fine with me. I'm alright. I miss all of them.
Especially;
Diyana Afiqah. How we became ultimate partners is questionable. Why? Because I didn't like her when I first saw her, mainly because she gave this killer-stare whenever I caught a glimpse of her face. And then I thought to myself, "hey, shes something" and I've always think that she is beautiful, though she thinks otherwise. We became close because we spend many times together and even closer when I started sharing problems with her. I never thought I could meet anyone like her. She's something unique. And yes I miss her, teribbly. (And no, this post is not for you. A special one is coming) :)
Naqiah. At first sight, you'd mistaken her for someone native because she doesn't look malay, at all. She looks Jamaican, with her tanned skin and curly short hair with a bit of a purple dye. Gorgeous, just gorgeous. We are not that close when we were in the first semester but somehow we managed to find our own way. She is good with advices, really. I miss her, and that face she makes when she's high. Just kidding. No. Really. That face, Naqiah, you know it.
Illa Ali. First thing first, he used to wear all red to class. Literally. When I first saw him during class, I have always think of him as a nerd who likes anime, I even asked him to draw a cartoon for me in class. Ali is the best brother you could ever ask for. He has the warmest hugs and he always get more hot guys than the rest of us did. Turns out this "nerd" I met in class has become someone.. hot. Yes I said it, Ali. He even knows my boyfriend first before I did!
Nur Syauqina. This girl has the prettiest smile and the silkiest hair, ever. She became my room mate for the rest of the foundation year (try imagine dealing with annoying jiha who's phone alarm is so loud in the morning). I wonder what she is doing right now.. tho I talk to her almost everyday, I still miss her. Qina, if you are reading this, I'm sorry for finishing your snacks and food back in our room...... Hihi.
'Izzah. To be honest, one thing I like about 'Izzah is the fact that she is a loyal lover. She still in love with the same guy when I first met her till today, even though they don't see eye to eye anymore. That's the best quality in her, loyalty. I remember buying her a cake on her birthday and surprised her back in our room and too bad we couldn't do the same thing this year, kan? I'll hope that if we ever meet again, you'll gain extra weight. Hihi
Aliya Natasya. This girl is head over heels in love with her fiancee and they are the proof that long distance relationship actually works. I hope that we talk more often after this because I miss making fun of the way she spoke in Bahasa. (yea her bahasa is not that good) but still, you're the best, Aliya! I hope that I will be there when you're pregnant with turkish babies. Hihi
It kills me when I miss you guys.
But what can I do?
Wait till September, and we'll meet again. :-)
running away
I am caught in this big mess, in which I have no options, and to make it worse, I have no clue how am I supposed to get up to fix this mess.
It's hard dealing with options. Sometimes, it seems like choosing the best is the solution, but in reality, making a decision means that you are ready to take responsibility of the consequences that may happen in the future.
Although, at times, running away from all of your problems seems to be the easiest solution, yet. But, for how long are you going to run away from your problems? Your problems are like your shadows, they are attached with you. No matter how hard you try to escape, they'll keep hunting you.
So do me a favour, and stop running away from your problems.
perks of being a short girl
1) you will never look old
2) you can still fit on little kid's swings and seesaws
3) smaller shoes/tops/pants are cheaper (sometimes)
4) youre able to stand on your tippy toes to kiss your boyfriend (or husband)
5) you get forehead kisses all the time
6) guys love short girls!
7) you dont have to worry about bumping your head (e.g a tree branch)
8) you can rock the heels without looking weird!
9) more leg room when you are sitting (e.g cinemas or in airplanes)
10) we fit in all bed sizes!
11) people offer to do things for you like, all the time
12) you can play hide and seek easily
what's more? :)
2) you can still fit on little kid's swings and seesaws
3) smaller shoes/tops/pants are cheaper (sometimes)
4) youre able to stand on your tippy toes to kiss your boyfriend (or husband)
5) you get forehead kisses all the time
6) guys love short girls!
7) you dont have to worry about bumping your head (e.g a tree branch)
8) you can rock the heels without looking weird!
9) more leg room when you are sitting (e.g cinemas or in airplanes)
10) we fit in all bed sizes!
11) people offer to do things for you like, all the time
12) you can play hide and seek easily
what's more? :)
don't be nice to people
seriously, don't.
because in the end they will be against you.
not that I'm saying this because I am filled with hatred right now, no. it's just that I am sick of people judging you without even knowing the real situation. yep, they will just blindly assume.
just because I am quiet doesn't mean I'm not mad.
I am mad, at you, in fact I feel like shooting you right now and feed the dogs with your flesh
just because you are clever doesn't mean you can just say anything you please to others
god bless your soul
eh wait
I take my blessing back
a guy like you don't deserve a place in heaven, after all
because in the end they will be against you.
not that I'm saying this because I am filled with hatred right now, no. it's just that I am sick of people judging you without even knowing the real situation. yep, they will just blindly assume.
just because I am quiet doesn't mean I'm not mad.
I am mad, at you, in fact I feel like shooting you right now and feed the dogs with your flesh
just because you are clever doesn't mean you can just say anything you please to others
god bless your soul
eh wait
I take my blessing back
a guy like you don't deserve a place in heaven, after all
help needed
yay finally
I've changed the template of my current blog because the previous one seems too childish for a nineteen years old girl, and I think this one is prettier?
well nobody's going to read my blog anyway
oh by the way
I'm gonna try my best to keep this blog, well 'alive'
like maybe 2 or 5 post weekly? tho I do not have much to say
maybe I should start thinking of appropriate topic for each post
exquisite vision
oh and maybe I should talk about the current issues
no, no. I'm a sucker for current issues
I dont read news nor watch the news
maybe I should write about beauty tips?
lol who am I kidding, I look like Shrek
even Shrek might be angry if he knows about this comparison
I'm a potato then
a couch potato (with sunglasses, so I'd be cooler)
wait I thought I was writing about blog topics?
just a thought
I'm gonna start blogging again
this particular thoughts came across my mind
while I was staring at a white wall
well, I used to love blogging when I was younger; back in 2009
where everything seems easy, and I remember how eager I am to grow up
and that's when I realize that growing up sucks
because
you have decisions to make
you can't just lay around
you can't just wait for your parents to do everything for you
you have responsibilities
Growing up isn't as easy as I thought it would be
looking back in time
I have missed a lot of opportunities
because of my actions and mistakes
I do not regret making them
nor I do not want to turn back time
because without mistakes, I will never learn
this particular thoughts came across my mind
while I was staring at a white wall
well, I used to love blogging when I was younger; back in 2009
where everything seems easy, and I remember how eager I am to grow up
and that's when I realize that growing up sucks
because
you have decisions to make
you can't just lay around
you can't just wait for your parents to do everything for you
you have responsibilities
Growing up isn't as easy as I thought it would be
looking back in time
I have missed a lot of opportunities
because of my actions and mistakes
I do not regret making them
nor I do not want to turn back time
because without mistakes, I will never learn
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